


Happy Ass-Giving

by Kioee



Category: It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia
Genre: Canon-Typical Behavior, M/M, Thanksgiving Dinner
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-11-28
Updated: 2019-11-28
Packaged: 2021-02-26 03:20:29
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,048
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21596767
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Kioee/pseuds/Kioee
Summary: The Gang tries to have a nice Thanksgiving dinner for once in their goddamned lives
Relationships: Mac McDonald/Dennis Reynolds
Comments: 2
Kudos: 53





	Happy Ass-Giving

Thanksgiving was a bullshit holiday but at least this time they just kept it to themselves. Getting other people involved just lead to too much fighting and arson. Of course, they had it at Mac and Dennis's apartment. It was the only place suitable for such a gathering. They pulled up a big table from the basement storage - whoever owned the table was a chump who should have thought about securing their belongings better - and set things up real nice. Everything was almost ready save for one thing.

"You left the goddamn soda in the Range Rover?" Dennis screamed.

"I had a lot going on, Dennis," Mac countered. "I carried up all the other groceries. You just don't appreciate all I do for us."

Dennis frowned. “Don’t appreciate-- I don’t-- You think--,” he sputtered, but none of his attempts to get out a full sentence were successful. “Fine. _I_ will go down to get the soda, and you finish setting the table.” He glared at everyone else. “You morons just sit down and try not to burn anything down this time.”

“Oh, shut up Dennis, we’re not going to burn anything down,” Dee countered, voice high-pitched like it did when she got upset.

Frank shifted around. “It’s like you don’t trust us.”

Charlie just shrugged. “I mean, we’ve all burned some stuff, you know.”

“Just don’t,” Dennis warned again before walking out the door.

Mac just grinned. “Don’t worry guys,” he said. “Today is just going to be a nice day where we give thanks for what we have, just like when the pilgrims gave thanks they weren’t godless heathens like the Indians.”

“That is _not_ what happened,” Dee scoffed. “Or maybe you’d like to learn a little thing about genocide.”

Charlie groaned, “Oh come on, we’re not here to learn. We’re here to eat.” Frank nodded vigorously in agreement, looking up from his feet.

Dee curled her lips. “Goddammit, Frank, don’t clean your toes at the goddamn table.”

“Fine, Deandra, I’ll just eat with dirty feet like some kind of gutter trash.”

“You are gutter trash.”

“Okay everyone,” Mac interrupted. “I almost forgot the centerpiece, but I’ll be right back.”

The gang all stared at Mac as he disappeared into his room. When he emerged, he carried out the centerpiece. As he set it on the table it was clear to everyone that it was a perfectly and masterfully sculpted--

“Is that a butt, dude,” said Charlie.

“Why’s there an ass as our table?” Frank frowned.

“I like it,” said Dee.

Mac sat down at one end of the table. “I haven’t had a use for it until now.” He started to carve the turkey. “I think it really adds to the atmosphere, don’t you think.”

Charlie continued to look between the ass and Mac, not saying anything, but filling his plate with food. The others filled up their plates and started eating.

“No, it is really nice,” Dee said between bites. “Where did you get it?”

“Oh so you can steal my idea?” Mac said with a scowl. “No thank you. I won’t be revealing my secrets.”

“Sorry for appreciating the one nice thing you guys have in this shithole apartment,” Dee replied.

Mac stood up. “Shithole apartment! Your apartment’s the shithole you goddamn bitch!” He went to lunge at Dee, who stayed still save for eating more food, when the door opened.

“I got the sodas,” Dennis said before surveying the scene. His eyes landed on the sculpture. “Mac, why is there a sculpture of your ass on the table?”

Dee choked on the bite of food she had just tried to swallow while Frank and Charlie let out various hollers. The cacophony of it all didn’t allow time for Mac to explain. Dee leaned over, gagging. “Oh, God I said it was nice,” she groaned.

Frank leaned over to take a closer look. “That’s a real nice ass, Mac. Good for you.”

Charlie looked like he was mulling things over. “Now I know what all of your asses look like, just for my records, so I knew it was Mac’s right away, but how did Dennis know so quickly that was Mac’s ass?”

Mac’s and Dennis’s eyes grew wide as they looked at each other. “Oh, well you know--” “You see the thing of it is--” They tripped over each other with their words trying to explain.

With a mouth full of turkey, Frank spit out, “You two bangin’?”

All eyes in the room were on Mac and Dennis. They looked at each other again. “Well, yeah, I mean--” “Sometimes we just--”

Dennis put his hand up. “Yes, we’re banging. We’ll be taking no questions at this time and will instead be enjoying this nice meal that Mac cooked without burning for once in his life.” With that he sat down and filled his own plate.

“Thank you, Dennis,” Mac said.

“Well, it’s about time,” said Dee.

“Yeah,” agreed Frank. “It’s like you’ve just been stringing us along this whole time. We had started taking bets.”

Charlie laughed. “I thought it was never gonna happen, so I guess I lost that one.”

“When did you--” Dee started but got cut off by both Mac and Dennis yelling “No questions!”

There were a few moments of quiet around the table, broken only by the sounds of slurps and chewing. Finally, Charlie spoke again. “Well, I’m grateful that we’re all just here, you know. Nobody else gets this.” The others murmured their agreements. 

“You guys are the best,” Mac said.

“We should do this for Christmas, too,” Dee said. 

Dennis smiled. “That’s the best idea you’ve ever had.”

The rest of the dinner passed with talk of plans for the holidays, with only minor arguments and threats of bodily harm or death thrown in the mix. When all was settled and bellies full, they stood up. 

“Alright gang,” Dennis began. “To the best Thanksgiving we’ve ever had, and to an even better Christmas.”

Frank leaned over and picked up the centerpiece. “To us, and Mac’s ass.”

“To Mac’s--” “my--” “ass!” they all cheered and put a hand on the sculpture.

“Oh, and we’ve been banging since after we went to the zoo,” Dennis said. “We just didn’t want you assholes to be up ours about it.”

**Author's Note:**

> inspired by a conversation between me and [Jace](https://ptsunnydee.tumblr.com)  
> you can find me on tumblr [here](https://movetothesuburbs.tumblr.com)


End file.
